How to Body Slam Aliens

The other day, all the zoo animals had to go to a day-long motivational seminar, Grapple with Success: Body-Slamming Your Depression with Killer Ken. He spent the day teaching us how to wrestle with our feelings of self-doubt and rejection, by smashing them down with the folding chairs of rigorous daily routine. Let's just say after that, we needed a break.

So me and some friends went down to Ruby Tuesdays for happy hour. It started out fun. We drank Wacky Watermelon Martinis with a bunch of secretaries we met at the bar. Things were going well, until my friend became a real Chatty Kathy.

After a few drinks in, she started going on about how she wanted to go to space someday to meet aliens. She went on, and on, and on, and (wait a second- I'm boring you with the story that bored me.)
Anyway, she kept saying things like, "They're out there, guys" and "Think about how cool it'd be to meet strange new people from outer space. You'll be sorry if I'm right!"

I said, "Ya I'll be sorry. Ya know what? How bout you go ask the Indian dealing cards at the casino how much he likes meeting 'strange new people' from faraway places." And I yelled "Haaaay!" and slapped fives with the secretaries.

Then I went home to my parent's cage. Because that's where I live.