Beauty's only Skin Deep When you Date a Man

The other night, me and a girl friend were chatting, and she mentioned that her gay friend thought I was cute. I said, "Well the 'parts' may fit funny, but I'll take all the attention I can get."
So I agreed to meet him.
*Fast forward to next night:

We sat down for dinner and things started well. He told me he was into everything but country, and I told him I was into nothing but country (Toby Keith: "My Love Is Like A Cross Burning For You" Tour 2006!!!). But we hit it off anyway.

So there we were, having a good time, and I thought he looked like a guy into altered states of consciousness, so I invited him back to my place for cocktails. That's when things went bad.

He said no to the drinks because he "had to get up early tomorrow." I was crushed. I felt sadder than the dreams of a drunken mill worker at a NASCAR race. I started drinking everything in sight. I was, like, so gone. And before I knew it, I'd turned into The Beholder- everyone became beautiful in my eyes...

I woke up the next day being felt up by a trucker with a face tattoo. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'd like to have a family some day.